she smiled a smile, for no reason sake.

all my mind in swirl, the pain of the past seemed fake.

then followed a giggle, making my senses tickle.

on a road to nowhere, the smile and sunshine everywhere;

deep in her eyes lay the world, all the future seemed like now.

everyday a dream, fading along the lines on her face;

to see what it feels like, with no regrets;

oneday, someday,I shall smile, for nobody sake.

half past the darkness into the night;
the march of the grave diggers to where I lie.
digging deep into the pain within;
the sands on my grave give away,with no voices to cry.

hunting down for all that is left within,
digging into the insides for the void within;
i cry and lament into the silence at the pain that isn't.
a witness to my own death a hundred times,all i see;
is a march of the grave diggers.

the demons tearing my soul from within;
walking half knowing into my grave.
just as much as i rise to feel my pain;
deceiving my mind to warp on its own.

taking the burnt as they seep through me;
letting my tears run into the raindrops,
one more touch of your memory;
and I shall let it all go away.

microprocessor class is a bore.

all the read and writes on a logic gate,
fools dreaming of some magic fate.
bi-planes lying in shambles in aero lab;
between the sane and the stupid some narrow gap.

slow moving fans casting shadows in the class,
all still and sleepy like a perfect sunday mass.
memory riding unconcerned in the bus;
all the data lost in the daily fuss.

spectacled morons and cranial freaks,
input and output still coming at the bar.
between the read ,write copy and the paste;
LXI H,D;my sensiblities wanting to pee.

finding a joke nobody knew before,
every song seems to have my name;
all words rhyme with some smile.
at some place,at some time;
all alone with no home to go.


playing hide and seek in my head;
drunk in the hopelesness of my life,
wierd look and pathetic smiles,
all the fake faces roam around without shame.

paper flowers and cotton candy;
blood ridden faces and wretched beings,
playing harp in the garden of eden.
in the chaos of reality ripping whats left of me;
god and devil becoming one in some cursed flame.

swollen ego's and inflated lungs,
all imaginary runts of some grinding axe;
all the odds laying out in favour of the pain ;
all the hopes and faith have long been gone.

staring into the eyes of my own corpse,
the world closes in on me like my grave;
waking up into a hollow nothing ,
the tide washes away all that's left of my life.

frozen and still with ice cold blood,
all liberties of life fading into human vanity.
the perfection of my fall ,looking up with bowed down knees;
pretending sanity in a seething anger;
the betrayal's of my own soul lost in my life;
the truth doesn't matter somehow ,
the lies linger and haunt unerased;
somehow I carry on among the broken dreams.

seven seconds of uncertainity,
seven layers of shade;
nine lives of a freakshow life,
a thousand shades of grey.

sevenfold pleasure in the seeping pain,
a billion curses showered on heaven,
one step into the abyss below,
and thats all that remains of a life.

silent alarms ringing in my head,
knowing not from where my dreams come;
some share of pain draining through my veins,
killing all that seemingly makes me laugh.

when the rest still drive onto the roads,
spat into the ends where the light clouds the dark;
some known stranger voicing my devils,
the haunting still keeps coming on,
among the ruins of my life;
its only the pain keeping me on.

she was a beautiful picture;
in a bright golden frame.
all my dreams caught in waiting,
wishing to hear her murmur my name.

at odds with my memories,
never grasping what i have lost;
i once owned all the autumns of her life,
now i stand drenched in her pain.

going wild into the realms of my own head,
summer has come and gone in the passing,
all her memories failing to fade into the twilight.
still among the flowers,only in my head she remains;
like some remnants of a dream fading fast.

the tears i shed tearing through my skin,
bent and broken, nothing  to hold on to,
slipping away from everything i have ever know,
never stopped to realize the frowning shadows;

right where i stand, the sands of time erode beneath my feet.

always waiting to let the fire die,
like a river of pain,the only thing that keeps me alive,
as you sleep in your tomb dreaming nothing at all;
all my dreams lay among the grass in the dust.

i try to find you among the stars,
beneath all the pain,the light of your face in the moonlight grace;
with closure thrown out of window,closer in death than in life.
wanting to be everything for your sake be;
but only your silence echoes in my pain.

A devil in me,thoughts of my own making,
the mirror screaming profanity at my face,
the hemorrhage before my eyes distorting my thoughts,
undoing all the deeds that made me what i am.

beyond the realms of rosy dreams and happy thoughts,
lay forsaken in my sins,the deeds of my past;
empty conscious seeking vengence on all.
defeated by my own hopes,lying to my soul,
lonely and free,i pursue my own doom.

Tick,tick,tick the clock keeps on,
all the images in my head moving in circles of their own.
Trying to synchronize all that is my life,
alarm bells keep ringing at the coming storm.

The seconds keep moving into the shadows,
crying and screaming as the darkness grows.
making a mess of my life,feeling incomplete and over,
its time I made a sense of the tick-tock.
some measure of sanity still grained in my head;
laughing and staring at the insanity I lead.
it will all soon end,all in the arms of the clock,
humming all the way round tick-tock.

into the blank faces that stare,
they all know its all fake;
the truth lay torn apart in trashes,
all the lies still walking and talking in their faces.

looking through the opaque mirrors,
into the eyes filled with fear;
the heart keep hunting in vain for that single tear.
wishing for some catastrophe to occur,
its too late to realize ,they all are a walking disaster.

holding their own doom in their arms;
its all themselves that they keep cursing.
lost in the captivity of their own sanity,
unable to face the dark shadows within,
maybe its all too real to still stay alive...

into the meshes of my pain,
running blindly away from some unknown in vain.
all light leads me to greater darkness,
all doors opening into closed cages.

letting out on myself the anger within,
the void keeps growing and tearing within.
all the vengence eating into my veins,
i lay bleeding in the grave of my memories.

the changing shadows on the face,
breaking away from the me within.
into the void within,i keep calling to the devil within.
no care about the worries of the day;
all images in my eyes,shaded by the mist of my guilt;
with you swinging between my dreams and death;
i keep searching for the voices in my head.

time standing still in its path;
breathe holding itself in place,
the rain shadows my tears in them;
a soul colder then the winter air,i walk on ;
on a path to doom.

all blurred imageries of my mind;
distinct pictures of pain before my eyes,
the pain still echoes in this hollow soul;
bleeding and hurt,the laughter killing my tears.

trembling,without a murmur,i cry;
carrying the burnt of unknown sins;
a choice to be made in pain and anger,
walking on the border of sanity and insanity;
i let the anger feed my madness......

its time to wither into the nothing that fills me,
every passing dawn talks of an end,
all my dreams only blood and pain,
seems my life walks in arms with death.

of all things i think i know,
its for sure i refused death in my birth,
now nothing can turn the tide on,
can't keep losing forever,
i know my life was a near miss,
its time to turn off my empathy,
i look at the world through bleeding eyes,
all my desires painted in red,
my hopes lie among the ruins of my life.

the fire inside me burns my very soul,
evrything i held close to me,all lie in the grave;
all my nightmares realised,i can't ignore the temptation,
the feeling to die and rust and lose all that i have got,
only i am left all alone in disgust,
trying to find a way to break my fall,
maybe its time to give up all,
embrace all that i have lost,
my life's been too long a free freakshow,
maybe now its time to end it all...

--------------------------------------------


caught in this trap of pain,
all that i feel is the rage within.
can't seem to take a breath,
without feeling the pain in my veins.

i am glad can't see me self-destruct,
i will keep these thorns in my soul,
bruised everywhere my hopes float into their grave,
theirs nothing left to feel,
none to win and nothing to lose,
where i am going,i hope you are not there,
bcoz now im too broken to be yours anymore.

feels strange digging my own grave,
every swing of the shovel driving into my heart,
this was not what i fought all along for,
defeated in all i ever wanted to win,
never going to those places i ever wanted to be,
standing all alone in this night,
wishing i had you along my side,
wish the rain hid my tears,
but it washed away all i ever felt was mine....

----------------------------------------------------------


floating into the summer of my discontent,
jumping in and out of my dreams;
some worlds colliding in the realms of my head,
wading thro some uncharted lands,
i fight all the way home to grip my sanity.....

-----------------------------------------------------------

3

pleading through a life full of excuses,
leading to nowhere but my own doom;
all the sounds speak of some forsaken dream,
and today all light leads to darkness.

in some place where hopes and desires lay rotten;
walking through the mist of death,
in the realms of plain angst and despair;
lonely souls long forgotten,call out me into the arms of oblivion.

2

I curse my heart's disgust,
my thoughts caving in,from a hundred feet from the cliff,
into the abyss i yearn to fall.

Like a flowing drain of pain,
I drench in the rain ,
my thoughts and memories all gone,
I lose me in the moors of plain disgust.

I hate the long wait,
on my face I have a paint,
thro my mask none cares to ask,
about all those tears that are forever gone.

I cry all alone in my oblivion,
in my mirror I see a minion,
the pain in my heart rips me apart,
from this life I wish to depart.

I don't blame you for all my reasons,
for what I did must have felt like a treason.
In your life thats an everchanging season,
just think I was there all without a reason

poem 1

I have seen darkness in noon,
Have felt the pain in bliss,
have cried amid the laughter,
I stand lonely in this madding crowd,
In this maze of directions,
I don't know where to head.


I die in want of air,
in these storm,i stand unshaken.
The crowd makes me lonely,
i hear nothing in this noise,
i cry all alone.
all the shoulders to rest are gone,
the pain is too much to bear,
and i don't want to forgive and endear.
all those who cause this pain,the ranks of the fallen;
I am hurt in this hell,
and forsaken too shall rot with me.